Romeo is a Dead Man, Grasshopper Manufacture's maximalist action‑adventure, hides an unexpectedly wholesome minigame: Romeo may collect ingredients for his mum, who turns them into one of ten katsu curry recipes that hand out in‑game buffs. A practical test recreated every dish in a domestic UK kitchen to see whether any of the recipes translated into real‑world benefits beyond flavour.

Recipes in the game are concise and stylised rather than prescriptive, so the recreations were built on basic katsu curry technique: short‑grain steamed rice, panko‑crumbed fried cutlets (pork, chicken or vegetable), and a roux‑style curry sauce with a prominent carrot note. Where the game used vague or fantastical ingredient names, reasonable supermarket equivalents were substituted and seasoning adapted to taste.

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Method and context

Each of the ten recipes was prepared from scratch across several sessions, using standard kitchen equipment and ingredients readily available from UK supermarkets. The aim was fidelity of spirit rather than slavish mechanical reproduction: the dishes had to be achievable for a competent home cook without specialist kit. Tasting notes recorded texture, sauce depth, balance of sweetness and spice, and overall satisfaction. Any expectation of sword‑fighting improvement was treated as a narrative conceit; physical performance was not measured.

Findings

The majority of the recreated curries worked well as comfort food. The game’s emphasis on carrot in the sauce produced a sweeter, brighter curry than many classic Japanese‑style katsu sauces, which suited some variants and clashed with others. Panko‑crumbed cutlets delivered the expected crispness when fried at the correct oil temperature; the difference between an acceptable and exemplary katsu came down to timing and oil management rather than exotic ingredients.

Plainly, none of the dishes made anybody better at swordplay. The in‑game buffs are charming metaphors; in reality the strongest, most repeatable effect was a temporary morale boost and a warm stomach.

Standout dishes

  • Mum’s Classic Katsu — A reliably balanced plate: crisp, golden katsu with a silky, mildly sweet carrot‑forward sauce. Best overall for accessibility and crowd‑pleasing flavour.
  • Carrot King — Deliberately carrot‑led; grated carrot and a touch of apple brightened the roux and brought a fresh sweetness that complemented the fried cutlet.
  • Spiced Night Patrol — The wariant that leaned into heat. Chili and a deeper browning of the roux made for a more assertive curry, which paired well with thicker panko.

Less successful variants

  • Too‑sweet Homage — Overreliance on sugar‑forward elements left the sauce cloying; a squeeze of citrus or extra acidity salvaged the plate but did not match the game’s suggestion of restorative power.
  • Watery Ragout — Sauce failed to reduce properly and tasted underseasoned; texture proved more damaging to enjoyment than any imagined stat penalty.
  • Experimental Veg Katsu — A noble attempt at a plant‑forward option that suffered from soggy crumbs when oil temperature dropped; good in concept, inconsistent in execution.

Practical takeaways

The exercise reinforced that solid technique is more important than rare ingredients. Key steps for home cooks are a well‑made roux with adequate reduction, properly dried cutlets before breading, and oil held at 170–180°C to achieve a crisp crust without excess oil absorption. Most recipes translate into a 45–60 minute cook from start to finish, making them reasonable options for weekend dinners rather than true midweek quickies.

Romeo’s mum remains the best chef in the game. The recreated katsu curries provide genuine comfort and variety on the plate, but any in‑game statistical benefits stay firmly digital. The dishes are worth making for flavour and texture alone; claims of improved swordsmanship should be left to the virtual world.